


Twice for Yes,

by Pennyplainknits



Category: CW Network RPF
Genre: Animal Transformation, Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-17
Updated: 2010-01-17
Packaged: 2017-10-06 09:24:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pennyplainknits/pseuds/Pennyplainknits
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is for <a href="http://queenklu.livejournal.com/profile"><img/></a><a href="http://queenklu.livejournal.com/"><b>queenklu</b></a> who requested J2 fic with SPN tropes (one of the boys getting turned into something) as part of the wishlist meme.  She said "rubber duck" and I, uh,  ran with it.</p><p>God, please don't kick me out of fandom *hides*</p>
            </blockquote>





	Twice for Yes,

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer** FICTION PEOPLE. I'm merely borrowing their faces.  Any similarity to actual, living people is not intended nor should be implied

Jensen stumbled blearily into the bathroom and almost tripped over the rubber duck lying in the middle of a wet towel. He picked it up and set it on the side of the tub.

"Jared!" he yelled.  "Keep your damn ducks in your own bathroom!"

The thing with the rubber ducks started at a con about six months back, when a fan presented them both with rubber ducks.  Jared's was black with red devil horns, Jensen's, embarrassingly, white with glitter angel wings.  He'd chalked it up as one of the less weird gifts, and largely forgotten about it.  Jared, on the other hand, thought his was _awesome_, and soon Devil Duck was joined by Mr T Duck, Disco Duck (a gift from Mike) and James Bond Duck.

In comparison to those, this one was, kind of dull.  It was painted in a blue plaid pattern and had a mop of brown hair moulded to his head.  In fact it looked kind of like-

"Jared?" Jensen said softly as he picked the duck back up.

The duck gave a pathetic, wheezy

 "Meep,"

 and jiggled a bit on his palm.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me," Jensen said.  He tucked the duck into his shirt pocket and headed for the kitchen.  There was not enough coffee in the _world_ for this.

***

"Ok," said Jensen, coffee in hand and the duck-Jared- in the centre of the kitchen table, "I can't believe I'm saying this, but, quack twice for yes, and once for no, OK?"

"Meep.  Meep," squeaked Jared.

"Shit, I am so not cut out for this," Jensen groaned, passing his hand over his eyes. "Did you- what did you do?"

Despite its immobile features, the duck managed a glare.  Jensen could almost hear Jared say "yes or no answers, dumbass."

"Fine," Jensen said, gathering his thoughts. "Did you, I don't know, rub a magic lamp?  Piss off a witch?  Run across any renegade angels with candy fixations?"

"Meep."

 "Am I hallucinating?" Jensen asked, a little desperately.

 "Meep," said the duck.  It sounded a touch reproachful.

 "Well.  I guess, we find out what did this to you," Jensen said, trying to not lose it completely.  He guessed it wouldn't be as easy as plugging "Co-star turned into novelty rubber duck" into Google.

 He was halfway to the door when he heard a small, pathetic

 "Meep".

 "_Fine_" Jensen said, crossing back to the table, and sticking Jared in his pocket.

***

The one blessing, if it could be called that, was that Jared had gotten turned into a duck (_turned into a duck_ for god's sake) on the weekend, so at least he'd be spared any difficult explanations on set.  Provided, that is, Jensen could work out a way to turn him back before Monday morning.

 Late Saturday night, it wasn't looking good.

 "You know, you could be more help," Jensen grumbled at Jared as he got up from the computer and stretched.

"Meeeeep" Jared quacked, from his perch on the coffee table.

 Jensen had trawled half the internet, or so it seemed, but other than a site offering custom made rubber ducks, and a frankly disturbing fetish site that he wished he could _unsee_, there had been nothing even remotely resembling a lead.  Not even retracing Jared's steps (as far as possible given the directions mostly consisted of 'meep') had done any good.

 "I'm gonna call it a night," Jensen said, rubbing his eyes.  They felt gritty and blurry and he had the beginnings of a headache.  And, though he'd have never have thought it, he missed Jared's constant chatter.  The house felt cold and empty without his energetic presence.  "Meep" just didn't cut it, as far as conversation went.

 He brushed his teeth, and crawled under the blankets, ready for sleep.  He tossed and turned for twenty minutes before he gave up, padded downstairs, and fetched Jared from the coffee table.  He set him on the nightstand and turned out the light.

 "Promise," he said sleepily, "I don't get anywhere tomorrow, I'll find that weird guy Kripke uses for research. We'll sort it out."

 "Mip," Jared squeaked. He sounded hopeless.

 "Hey.  Promise." Jensen said again.  He reached out and ran a finger down Jared's rubber beak. "Night, Jared."

He thought he heard Jared squeak

 "Mip Meeep, Menmeep,"

as he drifted off to sleep.

***

"That woman over there is staring at me," Jensen muttered the next day, as he browsed the shelves in the fourth occult and alternative bookstore he'd tried that morning.

 "Mfeeepy meep, meeep meping meep mep"

 It was slightly muffled, as Jared was stuffed into his jeans pocket, but Jensen was surprised to find he understood "maybe because you're talking to yourself," just fine.

 He'd been in and out of more crystal festooned, whale-song playing, patchouli-smelling shops he even knew _existed_ in Vancouver, but despite one woman telling him he had a conflicted aura, and another guy with ribbons in his beard insisting on reading his tarot ("A time of change.  Positive change, but challenging. Watch for the signs) he was no further in restoring his best friend to his proper size.  And species.

 "You know," he said over a late lunch, "I think we're gonna have to call someone. I've got no idea what I'm doing here."

 "Meeeeep," Jared squeaked. He made a few abortive jumps across the kitchen table in the direction of Jensen's BLT. And that was another thing.  When (not if, never if) he got Jared back, the guy was going to be behind on days and days worth of meals.  He made a mental note to go grocery shopping. Maybe get some of those maple doughnuts Jared liked so much.

His train of thought was interrupted by the chime of the doorbell. 

Misha stood on the doorstep.

"I was in the neighbourhood," he said, following Jensen back down the hall to the kitchen.

 "This, really isn't a good time," Jensen said.  He could not deal with Misha's particular brand of weirdness on top of everything else.

"Jared," Misha said gravely, picking up the duck.

"Meep-ma." Jared squeaked.

"Wait- how did you-?" Jensen asked, stunned by how _not_ surprised Misha was.

"He looks like Jared," Misha said simply. "What happened to him?"

 Misha sat at the table, and turned Jared over and over in his hands. 

 "Don't do that," Jensen said, irrationally not liking Misha holding the duck, though why this was he didn't want think to deeply about.

 Misha put Jared down, and cocked his head, waiting for Jensen to continue.

 "I, I don't know," Jensen said, helplessly. "I just found him like this yesterday."  Telling another person, even Misha, who he was only half-convinced wasn't some kind of exotic alien, bought home just how _stupid_ the whole thing was.

 "Hmmm," Misha said, studying the ceiling.  "Well, there is a long history of animal transformation in every culture.  A way for man to get in touch with his inner aspect, to teach lessons about oneself."

 "That's, real animals!" Jensen protested.  Misha wasn't taking this seriously "Eagles, or bears, or wolves! I highly doubt my best friend needs to get in touch with his _inner rubber duck_!"

"Best friend?" Misha asked, quietly. "Is that what Jared is?"

 

"Well…," Jensen said, unsure what Misha meant, "I mean, there's Chris, Steve, but it's _Jared_.  Yes, he's my best friend."

 "Hmmm," Misha said, getting up from the table and placing Jared in the palm of Jensen's hand. "Then, maybe the lesson isn't Jared's after all."

 "This whole mysterious thing you've got going is really unhelpful!" Jensen yelled after him, as Misha stalked down the hall.

***

By that night, Jensen was ready to admit defeat.

"I don't know, Jay," he muttered, running his finger over Jared's blue plaid plastic back. "I, I just don't know what to do." 

 He put Jared on the arm of the sofa and flopped back onto the cushions with a groan. "Shit man, I don't even know who to _ask_."

 "Meeeeep map," Jared said.  It sounded sympathetic.

Before he could come up with a response Harley leaped up onto the sofa.  The dogs had been fractious the whole weekend, sensing something was wrong.

"No! Down!" Jensen ordered.  Jared quacked loudly.

It was absolutely the wrong thing to do.  Drawn by the noise, Harley seized the duck in his jaws and ran out of the room.

"No! NO! Harley!" Jensen yelled desperately.  He had seen what those teeth could do to everything from Frisbees to tennis balls, and he tore out of the room after the dog.

Harley was in his bed, the duck held between his two huge front paws, slobbering enthusiastically over it.

"Harley," Jensen said carefully.  "Give him to me."

 Harley chewed the duck a bit more, and Jared gave a few pathetic squeaks.  Jensen shivered in horror, but gently pressed on the hinge of Harley's jaw until the dog unlatched, and he could pry the duck out of Harley's mouth.  Harley barked and jumped up, but Jensen held the duck high over his head, and shut the dog outside in the yard.

 "Shit," he said, heart pounding. "Shit, Jared, I," he broke off, and wiped the slobber off with the edge of his t shirt. "Are you ok?  Did he hurt you? God, if you'd been-"

Jared wobbled in his grip as Jensen wiped off the last of the spit.

 "If you'd been hurt," Jensen continued. "I don't know what I'd have done."

 _ maybe the lesson isn't Jared's after all_

 He thought about how empty the house seemed without Jared's chatter.  How, even as a damn rubber duck,  he felt better when Jared was near him.  How oddly comforting it was to have Jared next to him at night.

 "Jared," he said slowly, raising the duck up so they were beak-to-nose, "I'm gonna go out on a limb here.  You've got to answer me.  Two quacks for yes, Ok?"

"Meep-meep."

 "Right," Jensen swallowed.  "Do we- are we-. There's something between us, isn't there? Something more than friendship?"

"Meep." Jared quacked. Jensen's heart fell, but then "Meep.  Meep-meep. Meep-meep. _Meep-meeeeeeep_." Jared was quacking, loud and urgent, and jiggling about so much Jensen almost dropped him.

 "I mean, it's, it's always been there, right?  From the beginning?" Jensen said, thinking aloud.  "I'm, I'm gonna find a way, I swear Jay, because this?  Us? It could be really good."

"Meep-meep," Jared agreed.

Jensen thought of fairy stories, and cliches, and change, and taking a risk, and learning a lesson.

 "This is probably really stupid,"  he muttered, but he bought the duck up close, closed his eyes, and pressed his lips the the brown hair on the top of its head.

 Two seconds later he had a lapful of Jared Padalecki.  In the flesh.  _Just_ in the flesh.

"You're naked," Jensen said dumbly.

"Well, I was in the bathroom when it happened." Jared said.  He wiggled happily on Jensen's lap. 

Jensen was not complaining.

"What did you touch?" Jensen asked.  He let his hands drift down Jared's back to rest at his hips, settling over those flawless curves of bone and muscle.  Jared's hair was greasy and flopping in his face. He still had dog drool on his chin, and several Harley-shaped tooth marks in his shoulder, but he was still the most gorgeous thing Jensen had ever seen.

"Nothing, just that dumb sculpture you bought last weekend.  I moved it looking for the toothpaste."

"You moved it?" Jensen said.

"Hey," Jared said, and he was suddenly leaning in very, very close, and Jensen thought he could still smell a faint hint of plastic.  "You just declared your love for me dude. I'm in your lap.  Naked. You really want to talk about that now?"

"Well, when you put it like that," Jensen said. He closed the gap between them, and kissed Jared.  Kissed him with relief, and hunger, and love, Jared's hands clenched tight on his shoulders as if he'd never let go.

"Hey," Jared said, when they finally broke for air "You wanna take this upstairs? Maybe get you naked too?"

Jensen grinned slowly.

"Meep meep,"

he said.

 

END


End file.
